fear     posted by R2K - Finch


Demdike Stare – Liberation Through Hearing by modernlove


This is kinda an embarrassing confession but, when I listened to this record It reminded me of this one time I smoked waay too much weed (train wreck) at dereks house and had a full blown nervous breakdown spiraling into an out of control fear and uncertainty for the rest of the night. I genuinely thought I would feel that empty and lost forever. My girlfriend at the time drove me home right after I called everyone at that house, "white trash" and "wastes of life" (not in a dick way, but a real matter of fact kinda way… obviously we all kinda stopped being friends after that). Anyways got home and somehow I snuck by my parents without any interaction or interogation, luckily. As I was closing my eyes worried about everything in the world trying to sleep something abnormal happened, I had a nightmare that was less terrifying than what I was going through before I went to sleep.

(I know I sound like a shit bag for talking about how spooky it was when I got too irie because obviously millions of people are living with REAL fucked up things to fear all the time non stop that they can't just wake up from. Horrible horrible stuff… Not to be insensitive, but to get into that conversation in this dumb rant would be totally insensitive and disrespectful to those peeps, and thats totally not really what the point is of this dumb rant is anyways right?)

Point is, is I woke up the next day unscathed and relieved.

"Phew, for a minute there, I lost my self"- the radioheads.

An emotion I haven't felt since I was a little kid and didn't realize monsters weren't really under the bed had just re-happened with the same spirit. When fear reaches a place where it becomes less horrifying and more nostalgic, it kinda becomes fun and enjoyable.

what am I talking about???


Question: When you realize that you're having deja vu are you?

A) Happy to be realizing you're having deja vu and saying, "oh my god, deja vu, so weird" and after you say that, it ends?


B) Are you excited to recognize deja vu is happening at first but then start to think you remember something bad that's going to happen and convince yourself to wait and wait and while you wait the deja vu goes on and on till it fuzz's out like a fever dream?